tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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