I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
