sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
