Sry I called you an 8
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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