Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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