My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
