he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
