4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
