I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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