that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
