Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
