He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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