No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can't turn off my feet"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
