Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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