I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
