Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
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I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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