the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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