you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
