Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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