so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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