Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
