Your face is a jimmy john
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This baby is an asshole
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
