In the future we'll all be gay
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
