Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You may now shotgun with the bride
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
