She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
