so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
