He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
