So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
