If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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