somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
