hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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