saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
