when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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