they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
