This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
