My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
