Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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