I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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