butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
