my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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