I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
