5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
