Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
