the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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