dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
