I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
