Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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