when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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