Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
