I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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