You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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