If i could tip my vagina, i would.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
