I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
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I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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