I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
