i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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