I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
