there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
