I'm gonna have a badass scar
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
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I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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