areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
