Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
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I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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