Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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