So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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