My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this boner is exhausting
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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