The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
where are you?
Hypothermia
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
