Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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