i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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