this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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