Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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