I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
