I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.