My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread