I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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