i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
