My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.