i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats