I'm laying in your front yard are you home
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
