I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
