I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
