literally had 100 drinks last night.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
