He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
did i walk over a car last night?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
