Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Randomize
